I realized today that I have been dealing with a family members addiction for over 10 years. During that time, they have been completely numb to the pain and misery that they have caused their family and their friends. They cause a crisis and come out of it because someone else bailed them out and the next day, they are numbing their misery and causing more while the rest of us are bright eyed and bushy tailed and feeling evey pain that the bitch (addiction) can inflict.
It is normal to feel violated in this awareness and say, “What about me?” , “Why is my every holiday ruined?”, ” Why do I have to come back early from vacations because of this miserable wretch?”. What about us? Why me?
Well, let me answer that, because you still have a brain and a heart. You have not become the selfish bastard that they have become. (Unless you are an addict also) You feel the pain because you can still feel at all. You have hope for the future or you wouldn’t be putting up with this nonsense. It says in the Bible somewhere that”Faith is the evidence of things hoped for and the substance of things not seen”. We hope because we still have faith in things that we cannot see at this time.
Let me encourage you to not take hope from the progress of the addict, not from circumstances, but from the higher power. If you depend on good news and progress for hope, you will always be disappointed. If you search for hope from the Father of hope, then he can give you hope in the down deep parts of your soul where you can draw strength.
What you do as a friend or family member is not useless but don’t get in the way of the progress. Don’t be the supporting wall that keeps them from crashing and know that I don’t say that lightly. An addict doesn’t realize that it is very hard on us who love them to not answer the calls from the police, the constant appeal for money, and the consistent parade of lies that we have to tolerate for years. They don’t understand how hard it is for us to watch our loved ones get paraded off to jail. They don’t understand the pain if their children asking the grandparents, “Is my Daddy dead?” They don’t get it because they have been numb while we have had to cope in the land of the living.
Lower your expectations of the addict but increase your faith in the one that can bring them along. Get out of his way and let the process bring them to faith in something other than their addiction. When they start feeling the pain, remind them of the choices that got them there. Remind them constantly of the pain that the bitch has caused and that there can be a way out!
Kick her to the curb!